Day 210

Blah!  That's what I have to say about things for the time being.  My chastity is there it's not going any where, it's just a part of me.  At the moment it's not thrilling, it's not exciting, it's not frustrating, it's just nothing which is weird to say but true.  I mean yes lately I've had some slightly irritating moments but overall lately, and perhaps this is just because of my personality and approach to it all, it's just this thing on my cock.

Personally that's kind of sad, part of the process is to see it and feel it and be excited by it.  That's not happening, I'm not sure why...  When I've played with people recently I feel it then in that moment and it's very exhilarating knowing that I'm completely out of commission and it's all about them and that's hot I like that.  I'm not feeling that submission and enjoying that submission alone and I used to and I really enjoy it.  Perhaps this is my personal frustration that I'm experience that's not about not having my cock but brought on by the chastity, who knows.

I feel like I'm disconnected from it somehow and I don't like that.  I really pride myself on being connected with myself and others and being completely present in the things that I do and I don't feel that right now with my chastity.  I'm not sure how I'm going to change that or what it means for anything in the long run.  I'm still going to be locked up through the 365 days.  I wouldn't dare not go the whole agreed upon period, but this is just something for me to work through and see where it goes.  Maybe it will pass or perhaps it will stay and make for a different experience, but only time will tell.

And perhaps none of this is coming from being in chastity, but it's definitely making me think about it more with all the time on my hands.

Day 154

So I might just be over thinking this or just searching for something profound to make this experience even more worth while. But I think one of the many things you are denied in chastity is intimacy with yourself. I know that sounds a bit odd and maybe it is, but I've thought about it recently that one of the quick easy and thorough ways to be intimate with ourselves and fulfill that need is through masturbation. By bringing myself to that level of pleasure I have created a simple sexually intimate moment with myself.

I think that is what I struggle with the most in chastity is filling the holes that jerking off used to fill for me, one of those being those intimate moments of jerking off.

I think it can be had through playing with yourself in other ways, but it's definitely a little bit harder.  I mean getting my hand up my ass takes a little longer and more effort than even edging for an hour.  But it results in the same feeling of bliss and intimacy with myself.  It's much easier with someone else and being able to have that connection and intimacy that comes with that fun and bliss.

Maybe intimacy isn't the right word to describe the connection and the experience that I'm trying to describe but it's what I got.